Sunday, November 09, 2008

Disneyland and other news

This past week was absolutely amazing....and I haven't been able to say that in awhile!
I was blessed to be able to go to Disneyland with Jake, my mom, my best buddy Kristin, her little girl Susannah and Kristin's mom.  I wanted to go somewhere that I could feel like a kid again and forget about my reality...not entirely escaping from my life, but partially! I think that's ok to do once in awhile.  So what better place to go than "the happiest place on earth"?  

Kristin and I made friendly bets all week about random things, like, who would win the election, whether or not Jake would cry meeting Mickey etc and the loser had to walk across the street from our hotel to the park doing something totally ridiculous, like with their finger up their nose or their fist in their mouth, or acting like a monkey. No one really noticed, thankfully but we laughed hysterically. If you know me you are not surprised at all by this type of behavior. I think it's important to have fun like this!

Due to a wonderful friend from church who knew someone working at Disneyland we were blessed to be treated like VIP's.  We got to meet Mickey by ourselves at his house in Toon town, which Jake loved! He wasn't afraid at all, and quite enjoyed playing with Mickey's nose. He even pounded it with Mickey. Then we go to be the grand marshals in the parade for a night! That is the car that goes before the parade.  We waved, and I did my best princess wave and people actually waved back!  (I didn't think they'd really care) Then we got special seats at the Fantasia show and got to go first on some rides. We went to a character breakfast and goofy beatboxed for Jacob!  Preston was a big beat boxer and quite talented at it, so Jake naturally picked up on the talent and is pretty good for a 20mo old! 

Overall it was an incredible trip, and it was difficult to come back! Although this time was better than when we got back from Canada a couple weeks ago.  It' so so hard to be back here because I am faced again with the reality that Preston is not here... and the silence without him can be deafening.  
Just two months ago Preston was here, he was so real to me.  And now he still feels entirely real, but he's not here and that's hard to deal with.... I get days that are really good, and think maybe this is getting better and then I see a certain memory and I crash... I wonder how long that will happen for.  Ppl say, this will take forever to get over, and I know it will take awhile, but that's still not a nice thing to hear! Looking to your future and thinking it will be miserable is unthinkable. I know without a doubt that this next year, especially will be hard, but what about God? When he is involved so intricately in my life there is joy, there is strength and there is SO much hope! I've experienced that already. Knowing the mighty character of God, it is unthinkable to say the future will be miserable. Yes this will be a difficult journey, but my hope is in the Lord and that makes ALL the difference in the world.  I constantly remember this verse, 

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Prayer Requests... 
If you guys get a moment I'd really appreciate prayer for a couple things, 

~ Christmas, I'm a HUGE fan of Christmas, I start listening to Christmas music in September! But of course this year is different and every time I see a commercial that has a mom and dad and kids in it, my heart breaks. Hearing the Christmas music makes me emotional! So please pray that God will carry me through this holiday with grace... 

~ Pray that I will discover who the Tara without Preston is... who I am in this community, what will our new routine look like etc... 

And last but not least, as if this post needed to be any longer!  Here are some pics from Disneyland and the rest are on the link to the side that says ~ Our life in pictures: just us~







15 comments:

Barclee Hugg"able" said...

i will also pray that the smile in those photos comes more and more often. ♥

Anonymous said...

We're praying that the joy and strength that God gives you in the good days will carry you thru the tough days! looking forward to seeing you again soon!
love renee
p.s. love the pictures, you're looking great (as usual!!)

lindseybear said...

I definitely will be praying for those requests...thanks for letting us know where you're at and how you're doing...and I'm SOOO glad that you had a blast at Disneyland. And I also firmly believe that you will come through this time okay...I've never been through a loss like this before, but I can't imagine God allowing such indescribable sorrow to permeate your life permanently. Keep your head up; remember Jeremiah 29:11, K?

Cindy said...

Tara,

We will be praying for you. The first year will be the toughest...all the "firsts"!- and yeah, the grief will always be there, but over time it will lessen and not be so intense and sharp. God is there in, around, under, over, and through it all...and it is HE who will keep your head above the sinking point.

You are doing what is healthy - mourning - and that is part of the healing. You are loved, and God won't let you forget that.

Blessings,
Cindy

Jordan said...

I love the photos, Tara......I can see Preston all over Jake. It's amazing how God is giving us comfort through that fact...Love ya,
Robi

Heather and Lowell said...

Tara, My name is Heather Geddert, & I was at BBC with you & preston (Danelle & Paul live in my sister-in-laws basement suite here in abbotsford.) I have been praying for you since I heard & will continue to pray for you. You have such a strong faith & desire to love God. My father passed away in '99 and my mother recently remarried her sisters husband (she passed away the same time) & even now, they still cry for their spouses but are able to share this with each other and go through this together b/c they recognize that their loved ones had such a profound impact in their lives and can never be replaced. I'm not sure if that helps, or makes it worse knowing that you may still grieve for a time, but though it took some time my mom has found new joy, with the knowledge that my father will always be in her heart & his memory present in all she does.

Anonymous said...

Tara

you may not know me...i went to high school with Preston in LV. I wasnt close to him just had a locker next to him and lots of classes. he also was apart of a bible study group with my cousin.
you are an AMAZING woman of God! you are a GREAT mother...keep it up! for what it's worth God used your story with Preston to minister to me. i send my love all the way from TX. I read your blogs now and keep you and your boys close to my heart! i will continue to lift you up in prayer. i pray he continues to give you his peace, grace and perfect strength.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God

Ty said...

now that is how a church should act like! Tara, that makes me so thrilled to see people like that showing love in the most random but meaningful of ways!

I am so glad you enjoyed your time at Disneyland. I continue to pray for you and your family!

-Tyler

Mandi Bartel said...

hey you! I got your message....I wish I was pregnant but I'm pretty sure that my body is too stressed for anything special to be going on down there! When it does happen you'll be one of the first to know :)

I'm so thankful that you were able to get away and take a break. It sounds and looks like it was a blessing.

I agree, we should ichat soon. add me: travisbartel3@mac.com

Anonymous said...

loved the pictures.. though i would have loved for one with your fist in your mouth. ;)

definately always and continually praying for you
danelle

Leanne Marie said...

Oh Tara, I am so happy that you had a good time while you were in Disneyland. My heart breaks for you, and I will keep praying. When you come back to Canada I have a blanket for you made, with lots of prayer and love. A nice cozy blanket to wrap up in and feel the arms of Jesus around you.

I don't think the grief will be so intense forever. However it will take time, and i learning that in my own life as I walk towards healing from my childhood, it takes time. If I were there right now I would give you a hug, so I will ask Jesus to give you a hug for me.

Love you, Leanne

\vinj&kath said...

So glad to see you got to escape for a bit. It's so awsome your mom is there with you so much, what would we do without moms eh!

I can totaly imagine you doing some crazy things tara, remeber strip pocker wiht the girls:) (us good christian girls:) haha, I must say if I remeber right you were the most daring:)

Anyway, thanx for listing prayer requests, I pray for you every day.
Kathryn

Mandi Bartel said...

just read your message...good point. So far what I have been doing is in moments like that I focus on praying and filling myself with the Holy Spirit, instead of opening up my mind and letting other things enter that space.

But I will definitely keep your suggestion in mind :) Thank you!

Col.3:3 said...

Praying for you, Tara.
Cheryl Thompson
Jonathan's mom

Jen (a.k.a. motor mouth) said...

Tara, I'm so happy you had a great time at Disneyland. It can help you escape the reality, even for just a little bit.

I will pray for your family, and for your specific prayer requests. I have you in my prayers daily.

Having lost my Mother in Law suddenly 6 years ago, I can tell you that the year of the firsts was the hardest for all of us, especially, my father in law. There is still pain in certain things, but for the most part it's gotten "better". She's remembered, and not forgotten, but he has figured out who he is in her absence. (like your prayer request).
Praying for you,
Jennifer Cook
pre-k A mmo