This past week was absolutely amazing....and I haven't been able to say that in awhile!
I was blessed to be able to go to Disneyland with Jake, my mom, my best buddy Kristin, her little girl Susannah and Kristin's mom. I wanted to go somewhere that I could feel like a kid again and forget about my reality...not entirely escaping from my life, but partially! I think that's ok to do once in awhile. So what better place to go than "the happiest place on earth"?
Kristin and I made friendly bets all week about random things, like, who would win the election, whether or not Jake would cry meeting Mickey etc and the loser had to walk across the street from our hotel to the park doing something totally ridiculous, like with their finger up their nose or their fist in their mouth, or acting like a monkey. No one really noticed, thankfully but we laughed hysterically. If you know me you are not surprised at all by this type of behavior. I think it's important to have fun like this!
Due to a wonderful friend from church who knew someone working at Disneyland we were blessed to be treated like VIP's. We got to meet Mickey by ourselves at his house in Toon town, which Jake loved! He wasn't afraid at all, and quite enjoyed playing with Mickey's nose. He even pounded it with Mickey. Then we go to be the grand marshals in the parade for a night! That is the car that goes before the parade. We waved, and I did my best princess wave and people actually waved back! (I didn't think they'd really care) Then we got special seats at the Fantasia show and got to go first on some rides. We went to a character breakfast and goofy beatboxed for Jacob! Preston was a big beat boxer and quite talented at it, so Jake naturally picked up on the talent and is pretty good for a 20mo old!
Overall it was an incredible trip, and it was difficult to come back! Although this time was better than when we got back from Canada a couple weeks ago. It' so so hard to be back here because I am faced again with the reality that Preston is not here... and the silence without him can be deafening.
Just two months ago Preston was here, he was so real to me. And now he still feels entirely real, but he's not here and that's hard to deal with.... I get days that are really good, and think maybe this is getting better and then I see a certain memory and I crash... I wonder how long that will happen for. Ppl say, this will take forever to get over, and I know it will take awhile, but that's still not a nice thing to hear! Looking to your future and thinking it will be miserable is unthinkable. I know without a doubt that this next year, especially will be hard, but what about God? When he is involved so intricately in my life there is joy, there is strength and there is SO much hope! I've experienced that already. Knowing the mighty character of God, it is unthinkable to say the future will be miserable. Yes this will be a difficult journey, but my hope is in the Lord and that makes ALL the difference in the world. I constantly remember this verse,
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
If you guys get a moment I'd really appreciate prayer for a couple things,
~ Christmas, I'm a HUGE fan of Christmas, I start listening to Christmas music in September! But of course this year is different and every time I see a commercial that has a mom and dad and kids in it, my heart breaks. Hearing the Christmas music makes me emotional! So please pray that God will carry me through this holiday with grace...
~ Pray that I will discover who the Tara without Preston is... who I am in this community, what will our new routine look like etc...
And last but not least, as if this post needed to be any longer! Here are some pics from Disneyland and the rest are on the link to the side that says ~ Our life in pictures: just us~