I thought I'd update on my little Jake man! He is doing so well! He is 21 months so he doesn't really get "everything" that is going on, for which I am abundantly thankful! I know there will be many, many questions later on, but for now I'm glad there aren't! His current passions include, sports, music, balls of any size, cars, the moon, cows, elmo, running in the nude, and baby einstein. He is quite the little character!!
I've said before what a joy Jake is to me, I can truly have a terrible day, and he bounds into the room grinning from ear to ear, how can that not make you smile? He has A LOT of energy! I understand why God gave me boys at a young age, I have energy too! Ok, minus the 9 months of pregnancy!
When the accident first happened Jake would ask for daddy and when daddy didn't come, he would pinch and hit a little, but after a couple weeks and loads of attention from family and friends he was violence free! lol
We have so many home videos of us with Preston so he gets to watch his daddy all the time! He really loves it and he smiles through each video. It's so fascinating and beautiful to see what he relates to daddy. Like when we go to church and he hears music, he says, "dada!!" (Preston led music) or when I style his hair like Preston's - (the front part spiked) he goes around pointing to his hair saying, "daddy!"
Last night we had a special moment, I always sing a few songs while I tuck him into bed, which I often wonder if I am damaging his poor little ears! If you've heard me sing you'd understand that I indeed cannot sing! But I try! So I started to sing a song I haven't sang since I held Preston in my arms as he went to be with the Lord - "Jesus loves me." It is a different version than the one we learnt as kids, but as I began to sing, Jake softly whispers, "Dada." It blessed me like I could never tell you. I often sang that song before Preston passed and that may be what he related it to - a time when daddy was here, but I'll take it!!
So it is moments like that when I have to wonder, what goes through this precious little boy's head? Does he understand daddy isn't coming back?
One time we were playing outside and I pointed to the sky to show him the clouds (what else would we look at in Portland!?) and gently told him that daddy was waaay up there, past the clouds in Heaven with Jesus. And now he'll often point to the sky and say, daddy! He seems very satisfied with that answer. Whenever we talk about Jesus, Jake will say daddy and when we say our prayers at night we always ask God to tell Prest how much we love him and are thankful that we got to know him for the time we did.
Jake and I both have such strong and absolutely amazing support. Preston's best friend, Jonathan and my dad will roughhouse with him and watch sports - bball and football, dad is trying desperatly to get him into Hockey since he is half Canadian, but to no avail, he is a true basketball and football breathing American!
The boys will have such an incredible legacy of their father, he truly was an amazing man to model your life after. The boys do not have their earthly father, but they do have a heavenly father who is with them always. I'm excited to see how the Lord will work in their lives. My mom commented the other day how great our God is, that he has created these children with all the "equipment" they need to face this life without their daddy...not saying it's never going to be hard, but I know if they hold fast to their Father in Heaven they will be just fine!
I am still looking for ways other than a photo album or quilt to make memories for the boys of their daddy - so if you have an idea I'm all ears!