Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Jakester

I thought I'd update on my little Jake man! He is doing so well! He is 21 months so he doesn't really get "everything" that is going on, for which I am abundantly thankful! I know there will be many, many questions later on, but for now I'm glad there aren't! His current passions include, sports, music, balls of any size, cars, the moon, cows, elmo, running in the nude, and baby einstein. He is quite the little character!!
I've said before what a joy Jake is to me, I can truly have a terrible day, and he bounds into the room grinning from ear to ear, how can that not make you smile? He has A LOT of energy! I understand why God gave me boys at a young age, I have energy too! Ok, minus the 9 months of pregnancy!

When the accident first happened Jake would ask for daddy and when daddy didn't come, he would pinch and hit a little, but after a couple weeks and loads of attention from family and friends he was violence free! lol

We have so many home videos of us with Preston so he gets to watch his daddy all the time! He really loves it and he smiles through each video. It's so fascinating and beautiful to see what he relates to daddy. Like when we go to church and he hears music, he says, "dada!!" (Preston led music) or when I style his hair like Preston's - (the front part spiked) he goes around pointing to his hair saying, "daddy!"

Last night we had a special moment, I always sing a few songs while I tuck him into bed, which I often wonder if I am damaging his poor little ears! If you've heard me sing you'd understand that I indeed cannot sing! But I try! So I started to sing a song I haven't sang since I held Preston in my arms as he went to be with the Lord - "Jesus loves me." It is a different version than the one we learnt as kids, but as I began to sing, Jake softly whispers, "Dada." It blessed me like I could never tell you. I often sang that song before Preston passed and that may be what he related it to - a time when daddy was here, but I'll take it!!
So it is moments like that when I have to wonder, what goes through this precious little boy's head? Does he understand daddy isn't coming back?
One time we were playing outside and I pointed to the sky to show him the clouds (what else would we look at in Portland!?) and gently told him that daddy was waaay up there, past the clouds in Heaven with Jesus. And now he'll often point to the sky and say, daddy! He seems very satisfied with that answer. Whenever we talk about Jesus, Jake will say daddy and when we say our prayers at night we always ask God to tell Prest how much we love him and are thankful that we got to know him for the time we did.

Jake and I both have such strong and absolutely amazing support. Preston's best friend, Jonathan and my dad will roughhouse with him and watch sports - bball and football, dad is trying desperatly to get him into Hockey since he is half Canadian, but to no avail, he is a true basketball and football breathing American!

The boys will have such an incredible legacy of their father, he truly was an amazing man to model your life after. The boys do not have their earthly father, but they do have a heavenly father who is with them always. I'm excited to see how the Lord will work in their lives. My mom commented the other day how great our God is, that he has created these children with all the "equipment" they need to face this life without their daddy...not saying it's never going to be hard, but I know if they hold fast to their Father in Heaven they will be just fine!

I am still looking for ways other than a photo album or quilt to make memories for the boys of their daddy - so if you have an idea I'm all ears!


Lindsey said...

This is a beautiful post. I had to get some Kleenex for my watery eyes half way through reading it.
I will say it again... because I don't think I can say it enough... God is so good. He shines through you in so many ways.

lindseybear said... too, definitely cried...but it was so beautiful and encouraging. I can't wait to see what strong men of God those two boys will grow up to be.

Lindsey Buckle

Vinjelu and Kathryn Muyaba said...

hey tara, one idea is to write down stories of prestin and of you guys, and stuff you remember before you were married. And some from his mom and dad too of times when he was a little boy. Then they could have stories to read and relate to their lives at the time. Even though I still have my parents, they did this and it was really special having some of there memories written down.

Love you, and always thinking of you guys

Leanne Marie said...

Sorry I was not at the shower the other day. Just not feeling well. I hope that you had a great time! I cried as I read your blog. You shining Jesus in the midst of such a dark and difficult time. Your boys are blessed to have you as a mom!

You I like Kathryn's idea, you could also do something fun on the computer with photos, story and music.

Love you!

Cliff said...

Just a quick note to let you know that Lauren and I think about you and your boys every day. You are in our prayers!

Cliff & Lauren Newby

Krystal said...

once again you made me cry too... thinking of your little boy not quite understanding and yet remembering Daddy all the time... made me cry... I would cry if I were you every time he says DA-DA... but praise God Jake DOES remember it is a beautiful thing. Thank you for writing about Jake. I pray for you both often!!! May your holidays be blessed even if they are not all happy moments. And May Jake truly shine JOY this holiday season!!!
~Krystal Schriner (Slade at BBC)

Britt said...

It is so wonderful to hear how Jake's doing. That's one crazy-great kid ya got there! And how's our little pooby-newby doing? Any character shining through thus far? Does he get hiccups? lots of kicking? A big mover? I have no doubts that he will have every bit as much character and pizazz as you, preston and Jacob have. Can't wait to get to know him! Love you so STINKIN much, and miss you even more, if that's even possible. I'll probably call you soon, too...just to warn you. Give the fam hugs for me!!!! LOVE YA!

Anonymous said...

Continued love and support from our family to yours. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Jessica N.
P.S.- what about a music/picture/video all in one. I know someone who can do that for you if you want to speak to them about it.

Anonymous said...

tara, you could use photoshop to take pictures of preston and jake (and you!) and make them into coloring book pages for jake to color. i saw this idea in a magazine, coloring is supposed to help little ones open up a little.

i went to high school with preston, so we haven't met, but i read your blog and i can't tell you how much i admire your strength.

god bless,

Anonymous said...

You probably don't remember me, but I remember you and Preston from Briercrest. I sat behind you two in Intro Christian Theology every class! :)
I heard about Preston's passing and have spent my evening reading your blog. Thank you for writing and allowing others to walk with you and learn from you. I am so encouraged and challenged by your words of faith and hope. Our God is so good, and I really needed that reminder -- to cling to HIM in all situations.
It's a different situation, but my Dad's first wife and kids died in a car accident (before he met and married my Mom). So I've grown up knowing and hearing about this wonderful lady whom he loved and their two kids. I've always appreciated that he kept photos of them on his desk at work (still to this day, and that was over 27 years ago). So I encourage you, no matter what life brings, to keep Preston present in your life. And never stop telling stories of him to your boys. (You could even make an audio recording of you, and his friends and family, telling stories of his life, for your boys to listen to whenever they want.)
You'll be in my prayers,
Charisa Reimer (was Kroeker at Briercrest)

Crystal Klassen said...

A late Merry Christmas to you and your boys and your family. So nice to here about Jake amd that he is being such a support to you, amazing kids can be. Glad to hear all the support you are getting form your family and Prestons, I knwo your a strong Godly woman but to have such family is a blessing as well.
DO you have any recordings of Preston singing, maybe you could make a cd for the boys.
Praying for you and your family.

Ashlea said...

All these ideas have been great! I think a video with pictures and video clips to music is so nice, maybe you could find something that Preston loved to do that you could do with the boys every year and make it a tradition- (Like a fishing trip if he loved fishing). I'm still thinking about you and praying for you.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading a devotional book by Spurgeon lately, and this morning I thought of you. If you don't have this book, I would recommend getting it - it is loaded with words of comfort and is written for those going through hard times.
It's called "Beside Still Waters: Words of Comfort for the Soul" (Roy H. Clarke, editor)
Praying for you,
Charisa Kroeker/Reimer

Kristy said...

A way to remember Preston at Christmas...hang his stocking every year and have friends and family and there favorite stories/memories of Preston. Then as the boys get older, they can pull out the peices of paper and read stories of their awesome dad.

Elissa said...

tara, i'm not sure how i found your blog but i wanted to tell you that i will be adding you, jake and baby to my prayers. i have no words, but to keep clinging to jesus!!! ~elissa