Sunday, January 11, 2009

Pray

This is a simple post asking for prayer! I had a super hard night last night and this morning. Ever since Preston passed away I have had dreams about him, and they are rarely good! 
During the day I often wonder, does Preston still love me? Can he miss me? Can he see me? And those feelings often come out in my dreams... I'll dream that we're together, but he doesn't care about me, I'll try to hug or kiss him and he'll tell me he doesn't have time and walk away... so then I wake up feeling completely broken.  However, last night I had a good dream! In it, Preston came back! And he told me he hadn't died, but had gone to Hawaii and was living on the beach with a bum in a tent! That is such a Tara type dream - so random and slightly humorous!!! I wasn't mad at him, I was just so overjoyed that he was home. And he held me close, and it was beautiful.  Then, I woke up. 
Every night I pray for dreams where I feel Preston's arms around me, where he loves me just like he was so good at doing when he was alive. But maybe now I understand why these dreams are few and far between.  They are harder to take then the dreams where Preston was distant! Because the truth is, he is not here, that dream will never be my reality and that is what breaks my heart.  I know it may seem silly to be so upset about a dream, but it's not the dream itself, because that was amazing, it's the aftermath and the paralyzing feelings that follow. 

Please pray for me!! I am not here to say, oh poor me!! That would be a very defeating mindset.  But I know the power of prayer and I am discovering the immense power of the ONE we pray to.  

..."Pray for one another so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person has great effectiveness." James 5: 16b 

"Rejoice in hope, endure in suffering, persist in prayer." - Romans 12: 12

Thanks so much!!!

13 comments:

Barclee said...

"For I am convinced that earth holds no sorrows, that heaven cannot heal"
consider yourself prayed for. everyday.

Ashlea said...

Being upset about that dream isn't silly at all. I will be praying for you too. Thanks for letting us know what you need prayer for by the way.

Anonymous said...

Oh Tara...I feel so deeply for you. I can't begin to imagine the pain and emotion that you feel every day. I am praying for you. Thanks for being so open and vulnerable. It helps to know what to pray for.

Anonymous said...

You can count on me to be praying for you. Jessica N

Shelby said...

Tara, I know you don't know me, but my friend Ashley shared your loss of Preston with me. Know that I think of you and pray for you often. Your blog is a wonderful testimony to the ways God works everyday and every way in our lives. Shelby

linda in washougal said...

I understand.... about the dreams. I'm praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Tara my friend, love and prayers to you. I am so thankful that you have God to take this journey with you.
Renee

Anonymous said...

Thank you for being specific in what to pray for. We hurt for you and will continue to ask for God's strength.
we are a briercrst alumni family who you don't know but prays for you often.

Catrina said...

It was so great to see your smiling face this morning. I love your humor and appreciate your honesty. You know I'll be praying for you--to take each day as it comes. I hope the rest of your week goes well.

Tamara said...

Definitely praying for you! I love you!

Jen (a.k.a. motor mouth) said...

Oh Tara, I can't even imagine. I'm praying for you.
Jen

Leanne Marie said...

We are praying and we love you!

kristendyan said...

i don't know you, but i just want you to know that your story is incredibly inspiring- i don't know how you can be so strong and hopeful in the midst of this pain. your life is a great example of trusting God through whatever may come. you are an inspiration to me, and you and yours are in my prayers.