During the day I often wonder, does Preston still love me? Can he miss me? Can he see me? And those feelings often come out in my dreams... I'll dream that we're together, but he doesn't care about me, I'll try to hug or kiss him and he'll tell me he doesn't have time and walk away... so then I wake up feeling completely broken. However, last night I had a good dream! In it, Preston came back! And he told me he hadn't died, but had gone to Hawaii and was living on the beach with a bum in a tent! That is such a Tara type dream - so random and slightly humorous!!! I wasn't mad at him, I was just so overjoyed that he was home. And he held me close, and it was beautiful. Then, I woke up.
Every night I pray for dreams where I feel Preston's arms around me, where he loves me just like he was so good at doing when he was alive. But maybe now I understand why these dreams are few and far between. They are harder to take then the dreams where Preston was distant! Because the truth is, he is not here, that dream will never be my reality and that is what breaks my heart. I know it may seem silly to be so upset about a dream, but it's not the dream itself, because that was amazing, it's the aftermath and the paralyzing feelings that follow.
Please pray for me!! I am not here to say, oh poor me!! That would be a very defeating mindset. But I know the power of prayer and I am discovering the immense power of the ONE we pray to.
..."Pray for one another so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great effectiveness." James 5: 16b
"Rejoice in hope, endure in suffering, persist in prayer." - Romans 12: 12
Thanks so much!!!