Monday, January 19, 2009

Update

Thank you SO much for praying for me! My dream life has been great and I have woken up feeling refreshed. Ok minus the nights I don't go to bed until 1am, but that's my fault! I'm really good at saying I'll go to bed early and then all of a sudden it's 12' o clock! Oops!

I have to say this week had a very rough beginning, not only because of the dream, but because of a dear sweet lady in our church family who had cancer. I didn't know her that well, but Preston did because her two boys were in youth group. She had fought this battle with cancer for about a year (I think). She was incredibly strong and such an example of what it should look like to have an unshakable faith in God.
The last couple weeks she was on hospice and we knew her time on this earth would soon be over. She is the first person I knew to be so close to death after Preston. My heart broke thinking of her two boys and husband because I know the immense pain they face. But I shed alot of tears for another reason. It is a feeling I never imagined I would journey through.... I actually found myself jealous that she gets to go home to be with Jesus.... and she get's to see my love, Preston!! It isn't that I want to die AT ALL!! But I so desperately want to escape my pain, I want more than anything just to see Preston. I want Jesus to wipe away all my tears, and to perfectly rest in the arms of God. When someone you love dies it makes the afterlife far more real. Which can be a good thing because it causes us to REALLY think about where we are going. And I rejoiced over the hope that I will one day see Preston again! But I grieve because I miss him so badly, and just want to see him! I told my mom I dread the day that this lady passes away because of the emotions tearing through me and b/c in a way I thought I would relive Preston's death. Well she went home to be with the Lord peacefully, just after midnight on Saturday. I found out in the morning, and once again (like I should expect anything less) God surrounded me with His affection and grace. He gave me a peace that passes all understanding and a sence of complete happiness for her, she is free!!!!!! As I got ready for church I was listening to a song by Jeremy Riddle called, 'Stand in awe' and one of the lines says, "Stand in awe and worship," so simple right? But utterly powerful. I just imagined this sweet lady in the presence of her God and savior, in complete awe of the love that surrounds her! Knowing that our troubles here truly are achieving an eternal glory that far outweighs them all! I cannot even fathom what she feels. To be in the presence of God is beyond anything I could imagine! I just know it would be far greater than any words (especially mine) could describe! So I mourn terribly with her family, but I am so thankful that she is home, and one day I will see her and Preston again and together we will stand in awe and worship our Heavenly Father for ALL that he is.

I'll try to write soon for another update, I need to sleep!

"I have set the LORD before me,
because he is at my right hand
I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN"
Psalm 16:8

3 comments:

John said...

Tara,

consider this passage -- I'm sure you've read it a lot lately, but it seems that right now is more applicable.

2 Corinthians 1.3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

John said...

Sorry Tara, I didn't mean to publish that comment .. I meant to preview it! It looks pretty dry and more like a command than a suggestion. Sorry!

But that's the first thing I thought of when I read your blog entry. You know better than anyone right now what the Bragg's (especially Chuck) are going to go through. Helping others also helps us, does it not?

Be strong in the Lord, Tara, and in the power of HIS might.

Your brother in Christ,
John

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing tara!
renee