Friday, February 13, 2009

Las Vegas

                                    (Written on Wednesday - posted Friday)

We are in Las Vegas, the most beautiful city in the world – ha ha! Actually I find the hotels quite fascinating and beautiful, minus the statues in our hotel (Caesers Palace). Why the Romans found such glory in half dressed women is beyond me, then again the poor men had it worse – note the statue of David! I admit, I still snicker every time I see a naked statue... Thankfully, our room overlooks the Belagio fountains and I think the beauty of them never gets old.

I’m sitting here in our room with my little Jake. He is supposed to be sleeping, but instead is sitting on the bed staring at and telling me in his toddler ways, also known as crying that he really shouldn’t be going to bed right now.  Oh well, what can you do when you’re in the same room? 

Here is Jake a minute after I wrote the above... so much for staying in bed!

~This is the view from where I am currently sitting~ 

This morning (Wednesday) was the BIG morning! It started at 8:30 and I actually made it on time, which for me is amazing as some of you can well attest to! Maybe it helped that the conference was in the same building as our room, but let’s just believe I was amazing.  The video of our story began and then immediately after, I was invited to the stage. It is a very emotional and touching video and I think that people were really shocked that I was actually there.  They gave me a standing ovation and that just made me cry more, it was really sweet! I spoke for 5 minutes, praise the Lord it wasn’t longer or I’m sure I would have slipped in something retarded!  It feels like just yesterday I was asked to come to Las Vegas and now it will forever be a memory. I am hoping the Lord used what I said to effect those who were listening, I know he didn’t just send me to Vegas to stare at half dressed women and bums on billboards! God’s ways are always good and I can’t help but wonder if when we get to Heaven God will reveal all the “behind the scenes” of our life… how awesome would that be?

 Preston and I came to Las Vegas a year and a half ago and those memories have definitely risen to the surface and have been haunting. They are beautiful memories, but every time you relive a memory it’s like the intensity of your loss punches you in the face all over again – to be bluntJ  I am comforted by the fact that one day I will see my love again and we will experience far greater moments together then we ever did here on earth.

 Mom and Mal went to see Phantom of the Opera tonight, I chose not to go because Prest and I had gone and I didn’t want to put myself in a situation to make myself upset.  Instead Jake and I ate supper and walked around the stores. Everywhere you look is a constant display of lights and sounds, but the emptiness Preston has left behind was far louder. I just hope that ppl who have a husband truly adore them! Who cares if they don’t help out around the house as often as they should? Those are such minor details, I know they have to be addressed at times, but just be thankful you have someone to cuddle with and to share your life with. I don’t say these things to say, oh poor Tara, I am just being entirely honest in my feelings. I am coming to grips more every day with our new life and being comfortable in it, but tonight was not one of those nights!!!

 My mom and sister are with us and that has been so fun. I’ll share a story with you to amplify how cheap I am! Ok, I’m not SO cheap, but when it comes to food that’s over priced I really am. We went to a buffet for brunch and since I have a toddler that I should probably feed throughout the rest of the day, I loaded up my plate (followed by my purse) with apples, bananas, oranges, dried fruit and cereal and I made my mom and sister do the same. I also brought three water bottles and filled those up, the water in the hotel tasted like dirt, so really, I was forced! You’d have thought I was a hobo though.

 “Tough situations are not excuses to not grow or trust in God, but rather opportunities to grow and learn to trust in God even more!” – a quote Preston held onto



Anonymous said...

hey tara.. i love you.. im excited for your guys sure you were amazing.. and thanks for being honest.. always be honest and share whatever you feel like sharing..
love, kristin giesbrecht

Anonymous said...

It is good to hear that God is using you to speak to others. You will probably never know the impact your life has had on others. Every time you share your feelings another life is changed forever. Thank you for loving God and sharing his love with others. Jessica N

Anonymous said...

Oh wow Tara... I'm thankful you had a good trip! I'd love to see the video!
I love your little snitbit about the buffet... remember when we used to hide fruit from the caf in the hoods of our sweatshirts?!? ha love you lots!
-Andrea Peters

Bonnie said...

Tara, it sounds like you had a good, emotional trip. I'm glad you are honest on your blog! Everyone needs to hear it! Hope you are ok today-first holiday for us, not great so far for me-but I am hanging onto what you said about it getting a little better in the months to come. Talk to you soon, Bonnie

Jen (a.k.a. motor mouth) said...

Tara, I'm so glad that the speaking engagement went well for you! I prayed for you over the past week, you would just pop into my head :)
Sorry the emotions are still so raw with each passing day/event. I can only empathize.
See you soon,

Barclee said...

what a gorgeous view..i like las vegas too...thank you again, for sharing your hurt and challenging our lives. tonight, we will pray for you as always.

"Our lives are a story that is not finished yet - and darkness never gets to write the final chapter."

Leanne Marie said...

Tara I am so proud of you. I love you my friend, and hey I think that we are not cheap we are just realistic about our needs and find ways to meet them. We like to be inexpensive. By the way I love to quote you put at the bottom. I think this will be something I hold onto as we start the adoption process. We know we will have tough times ahead and yet PAPA is holding onto us!

Love you girl!

Anonymous said...

i would love to see the video too. glad u did well and are enjoying ur time with ur mom and sister in vegas. i know u are busy busy but maybe u can drop me an email soon? :)

Anonymous said...

hey hun ur mom said u were putting a link on facebook (to shona) but im not on there :( mind sending it to me so i can see it?

Anonymous said...

Hey tara this is tina from church. I recently got a blog and thought you might enjoy it as much as i enjoy yours. My blog is Teener's Life

Shelly said...

Thanks so much for sharing Tara! I'm so proud of you to go to a place where you had memories of Preston and to step up and speak out. I love it! I love you!

Dan, Sonja, and Selah said...

It was nice seeing you again last weekend. As I have read your blog over these last several months it has been a blessing to watch you grow. You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. Your openness and faith in where God is leading you is very encouraging. You realize the Lord is grieving with you, and He is walking right beside you as you journey on. May you continue to cling to that hope.
Bless you,

Adrienne said...

Hi Tara. I'm a friend of Bonnie Culp from Arkansas. She mentioned you in her blog so I wanted to see your story. So sorry for your loss. It is so uplifting to see your faith in Christ is solid and keeping you strong for your beautiful little boy and baby #2! You are in my prayers. ~Adrienne