The last week has been really great, my family was all here and I felt like I did so little in the way of being a mom! My sister, mom and dad were all so awesome about playing with Jake that when I compared this week to the week we had by ourselves it was a tremendous difference! Although we did get food poisoning and that was just gross! It came the morning of Jake's birthday, but thankfully he hadn't eaten what we had and he had an incredible party! My mom is still staying with me now until I have the baby and after until I'm ready to let her go! Right now I can't even comprehend how I could do the single mother life by myself but I know as God heals he will prepare me.
I have been thinking ALOT about our new sweet baby boy who will hopefully be arriving in three weeks or sometime within that time frame! I am 37weeks now so I'm ok with him coming anytime:) I have a mix of emotions racing through me... I definitely want my body back! I want to be able to roll over in bed in one turn and I want to be able to bend over without grunting, I would also prefer to only see the toilet a few times a day, not once an hour and I'm looking forward to running around with Jake without waddling!
Today I finished packing my hospital bag.... it was sure bittersweet, maybe it felt a little more bitter than sweet! The last time I did this, two years ago, Preston was here and I packed for him as well. We were so overcome with excitement and had no idea what to expect, but we just knew it was going to be the beginning of a great adventure and we were doing it together - that was the most exciting part - meandhim. So as I gathered stuff from around the house to throw into a suitcase (I don't pack lightly to go anywhere) I was overcome with sweet memories and then slapped with the reality that life is so different now. It is moments like this where I cling to God with all I have because it would be so easy to sink below the waters of grief. But the sweet part: I am SO SO EXCITED to meet our little boy, what gra
ce from God. I am so thankful God has given me this gift in a child, what hope in him! I remember when Jake was born and I first held him, he looked up at me with his giant blue eyes and while he was probably thinking what the heck just happened, it was those few seconds of bonding that will forever be embedded in my mind, words can't describe. And I look forward to that again.
I am bringing a picture of Preston and I from our wedding to have in the room with me. We are looking at one another with such passion, love and excitement for the future. We were beginning a new life together...and while this next chapter in my life begins without him I know that he is still loving me from afar and the man that I knew him to be will inspire me to hopefully push that much harder (ha ha). Here is the picture....
I have been able to move on a little bit more in the practical areas of life... I had left Preston's clothes and toiletries untouched, and I was just waiting for when I would be emotionally ready to move them.... that day finally came this week. It wasn't any specific reason why, I just felt ready, although I sat on the decision for a few days just to make sure it was the right one and not a "nesting" moment! Yesterday I finished and it ended up being far less emotional (in a negative way) than I had thought it might be, It was joyful emotion, probably because i was ready. I would go through his shirts and remember, this one he hated, this one he only wore cause I liked it, this one he LOVED and this one he wore when we were dating.... I wrote a few notes full of the memories attached to the item and put them in the pockets.
So this week was mostly a great week, when I had my rough spots God lead me to a verse in Psalms that says, "The Lords faithfulness overwhelms the one who trusts in him" - Ps 32:10 I love that picture! I would like to be overwhelmed with God more and more....
Please pray that God will sustain me these next few weeks and prepare me emotionally and in every way that I will need for this sweet baby's arrival!
Here are some pics of our week....
Jakes first NBA game!