Life has been similar to the last post, a little trying but full of joyful moments! The last few days have actually been really good, but I take one day at a time, trying so hard to focus on today and not dwelling on what may come tomorrow! I continue to get flashes of reality that Preston is really gone and is never coming back, and it's still so unbelievable, death is too final - yuck!! But it's also a great reminder to keep an eternal perspective and makes me thankful that I do have the joy from absolute assurance that I know where I am going when I die. At Bible study today (we are doing Beth Moore's 'Beloved Disciple') she was talking about some of what we will experience in Heaven. Exciting! I cannot wait - to be with my heavenly father who has sustained me through out this life and to see Preston again, forever! What a sweet day!
Jake is such a good brother! The first night Micah was home and woke up in the middle of the night, Jake woke up as well and instantly began crying, "BABY!!!" in a very worried tone. I reassured him baby was just fine, and was simply ready to eat! The past few days Jake has tested me like never before! He hit Micah once, head butted him and poked him "gently" in the eye, but each time looked right away at me as if he knows he did wrong! However, Jake loves to hug Micah and give him the pacifier, pronounces his name, MI....CAH and would really like it if Micah could play ball with him!
It is so awesome to see the boys interact, even at this age, I know it will only get better and I am excited for that, but just seeing Jake love on Micah is precious! I tell Jake that he and Micah will grow to be best friends and will love to play together - Jake responds by saying, "basketball" in other words, they will play bball!
So all in all Micah is a good baby, I totally forgot how much babies fill their diapers, how much they need to be burped and how it is next to impossible to get anything done around the house, but I wouldn't change it for anything!
I began to go through all the cards people had sent from the months around the accident, I had read them when they arrived, but had just stored them in a bag under the kitchen table until I could look at them again - really tidy, I know! It was encouraging to read what others had written, I can't believe the number of people who didn't even know us who sent cards! I took what most had to say to heart because I know God led many to say what they did. I came across a note that really spoke to me where I am at now. It's from Spurgeon (Strengthen My Spirit),
"There are griefs in life that wealth cannot alleviate, and there is the deep need of a dying hour for which no riches can provide. But when you have God for your portion, you have MORE than ALL else put together. In Him every want is met, whether in life or in death. With God for your portion you are rich indeed, for He will supply your need, comfort your heart, ease your grief, guide your steps, be with you in the dark valley, and then take you home to enjoy Him as your portion forever."
This is such a good reminder! As a now single mom it's so easy to look ahead and try to forecast what will happen next. I think about the "what ifs" but what is the sense in that? I never end up thinking about the great things that could happen, and I have a huge imagination! God is my everything and all I need to do is TRUST him moment by moment! He is in complete control of my tomorrow and if he works everything out for the good of those who love him why the heck do I ever worry? " I may be uncertain of my tomorrow, but I am certain of God, he is faithful. "Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in-but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him." - (my utmost for his highest April 29th)
Insurance update: What a dork I am! I asked you to pray for my insurance needs and then never told you the outcome...it wasn't anything super profound, maybe that's why! It ended up being an accident that I was dropped from insurance so they straightened it all out and I am now covered! Really anti-climactic, right? But it was an answered prayer!!! And I praise God for the amazing people in my life who worked on this for me!