Flying solo

The three of us!

It's such a beautiful day here! So what the heck am I doing blogging? I guess I'm having "me" time, the boys are asleep, I should be asleep, but I feel it's such a waste of a day.... I may hate myself for that later on... but oh well, I need to feel productive and this sounded more exciting than cleaning out the bathtub!

We had a slightly crazy week, my mom went home (she'll be staying with me until I think I can fly solo...which I can't imagine happening, but I know with time and God's working in my life I will). I was a little nervous, but mostly excited as I figured it would be a great time to bond with my two sweet boys and learn how to do this single mom thing... I have to try right?! The most difficult part was sleeping and just being downright exhausted! It always seemed that they wouldn't sleep at the same time therefore I didn't get to nap. And then the one day I called in a friend to help they both slept and she didn't have to do a thing! Although she did my laundry and for that I am forever grateful! I think God must receive the, "God HELP MY BABY SLEEP!" prayer a million times, but it doesn't ever stop me from praying it over and over...

My "sleepy" sweetheart

Speaking of sleep, Micah sleeps fairly well, the other night he did a 5hr stint! ya baby! However one night he woke up every 2hrs so like all of life it is very unpredictable.

I didn't get any "me" time this week, and I find "me" time totally valuable because it refreshes me so that I am ready for the next moments of life. Being a mom is absolutely amazing, but mom is not my only identity! A friend recently got me a gift from Origins and while I snuck in a shower after the kids went to bed I lathered my loofa with the sweet ginger scrub and all fell silent as I heard the angels singing the hallelujah chorus... sweet me time; who knew a shower could be so heavenly?

Jacob had such a hard time when my mom first left, he has a very close bond with her, which is sweet to witness, and I'm thankful he has her in his life, but it makes it that much harder when she leaves. He woke up screaming for her, and he has an incredibly LOUD cry so he'd better be a powerful singer when he's older to make up for the "performances" he gives now! He'd wake Micah too so then I'd have two to get back to sleep, yuck! But we did it!

One night, mothers day I think, Jake woke up several times... it was such a sad cry or a scared cry, hard to tell the difference. I went to comfort him and asked him what was wrong, but as his vocabulary is limited he just stared at me.. ha ha, poor kid! I asked, are you scared (the usual issue), "no" he said firmly, are you mad? "no" are you sad? "YA" I went on to say, "sweetie, do you miss someone?" figuring it would be "mamu" (grandma) and he said, "ya" I went through a list of the usual ppl he sees in his life and all were no's so i said, well Jake, who do you miss? He responded in such a light whisper... "Dada...." I had no words, I fell silent as I felt silly for not assuming that in the first place, I guess I just thought he's moved on more than he has. It broke my heart, but I don't really know and can't assume he was as devastated as he seemed. God watches over the fatherless so this was one issue I cannot worry about and just let God work in his little life.

I also experienced the jealous sibling! Jake had not acted jealous prior because he had all my mom's attention if he wasn't receiving mine. One day, I took them for a walk to the park and the whole time Jake kept saying, "no baby Micah!" in other words, I want you mom, without Micah!! Micah was in the front pack so that was a little hard! Sorry buddy! But I tried my best to divide my attention evenly. It's hard with a newborn because you have to devote more attention to them as their needs like feeding are more of a priority. As the week moved on, Jake did better. And now he is so super excited to have my mom (and dad for a few days) back!

Mother's Day was good, so many people sent sweet words through cards or emails and I really appreciated it! The day was easier because of it:) The boys, through my mom got me a picture framed of the three of us, beautiful!

I am actually more nervous about fathers day as I already see all the commercialness of it and would much like to have nothing to do with it. In all honesty it's so hard not to tear up when I see an "intact" family enjoying a picnic or a hike or a day at the park...I actually would like to scream, but that might look kind of weird! I'm glad I appreciated those days that we had with Preston, and I hope ppl who are blessed with fathers for their families deeply cherish those times. On a much nicer note, mothers day was fun because a few of my girlfriends sacrificed their time with their families and in the evening came over to watch a movie with me, we all needed our girl time and laughed our heads off watching baby mama!

Lisa (Isaac) Ashley (callen) and Moi!

So all in all we survived this week, each day got easier and by the end of the week I managed to get places a few minutes earlier than at the beginning of the week, ha ha! (seriously how does anyone manage to get themselves and kids ready and on time!?) The days I had less sleep were definitely more difficult to endure, isn't that always the case?!? Thanks to all you amazing woman who came over to help at bedtime or nap time, I couldn't have done it "sanely" without you!

God remained close to us as he always does. It's easy for me to assume God will just move on like everyone else has, and the closeness I feel to him won't last, but that's an incredibly intense lie. "Never will I leave you, NEVER will I forsake you" (hebrews 13:5) God has NEVER changed, he is the same yesterday as he is today and will be forever, I know that, I just need to constantly remind myself!