Saturday, July 04, 2009

A dry spell

Well I have been having a bit of a dry spell lately...... I'm not up, I'm not entirely down, I'm just going.... and I think that's ok. It's really the first time that it has happened, when I am ok for a longer period of time. Usually I go through times where I am washed with emotion and am confused as to what this or that feeling means, but there's always an end to it where I can look back and be like, oh! that's where those emotions were leading and I can see what I was learning. It's also known as God taking me on this journey and not myself!
I still have such a huge mix of emotions that I "try" to sort through everyday. I'm my own physcologist, constantly trying to self diagnose my feelings, and I was getting a little worried that I wasn't on the rollercoaster I've been riding! But I really do think it's ok to just BE... I know I will have other hard moments so I should not be anxious about the fact that I'm not constantly devasted!

My devotional (my utmost for his highest) reminded me in a big way that I need to rest in the Lord and wait patiently for where he is leading me, in the bad times, but also in the good or ok times!
"The Lord was never worried or anxious, because he was not "out" to realize his own ideas; he was "out" to realize God's ideas. "All our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God."

I thought I'd put a link on for Kristin's blog, she is far better with her words than I! She has been so incredible being there for me through this journey and I love her for it! Our conversations often go like this... tara: I'm feeling, bla bla bla..... Kristin: ok so what you are trying to say is..... tara: YES!! that's a perfect way to put it!
She is just good at sorting my feelings into words and reading my heart...I tell her she will be the first one to edit my "book" if I ever write it. What she blogged about is alot of how I'm feeling, but she just sais it better! And you gotta love the picture of Preston...

Kristin's Blog


Kristin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

i think its definetly good to just "be" sometimes, i hope you can enjoy these moments!! lets hang out soon!! maybe near water!!

Kristin said...

Aw, thanks, Buddy! I love you too! I am honored to be your friend. : )

Anonymous said...

hard to believe that 10 months has already gone are one strong lady and so many people admire you for the graceful way you have handled everything.

ps...has anyone ever told you that you and your friend kristen look SO much alike?


Mandi Bartel said...

I love that you are still reading "My Utmost for His Highest"...I think I still have one of your copies from Briercrest! It came with me to Halifax :)

Can't wait to see you and the boys soon!


Tricia York said...

Tara, just praise the Lord in those moments when you aren't devasted. There were so many times when I felt guilty for smiling or laughing after Jimmy passed away. I now believe that those are beautiful moments that the Lord has given us to allow us to experience joy and rest during such a difficult season of our lives.

Anonymous said...

was great to see u last week, i am so glad we got to make it up and visit and meet micah he is adorable! and looks so much like jacob :) we love u, ur awsome! i admire u :)