Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Tara Lately

I find it hard to post tonight in light of THIS but since I said I would... it just feels bla in comparison to what these ppl are facing... how my heart breaks for the Crumby family. Please join me in praying for them...

I just finished decorating the house for Christmas. It was bittersweet. Last year I didn't decorate because we were in BC for the entire month of December. This year it stung my heart to even think about opening the rubbermaid labeled 'Christmas decorations.' Christmas is my ALL time favorite time of year, or it has been in the past, but when you lose someone so precious to you that happiness that many holiday songs elude to is just not there. BUT there is JOY. And tonight I fought for that joy, and guess what? I won. There is always joy, because God is real and alive and irresistible! I decorated for my boys, for my own growth and you know, It was a good night.

We were just in Arkansas visiting with family for thanksgiving. It was SUCH a great time. The plane rides were adventures as they always are with a toddler a baby and a nutty mother. But since we do fly frequently the boys are great at security, dashing from gate to gate and being patient. However, kids will be kids and that is ok! Our direct four hour trip back home began with racing down the airport from our last flight to the next gate. Micah thought it was fun and kept giving me huge smiles from his carrier - God knew I needed them:) And Jake wanted to go faster - of course I can honey!! Ha! I busted it to the gate only to find the plane had already left! Just kidding:) actually, they were waiting to board so I jetted (again - my thighs needed the workout anyway) to get a super BIG coffee which I drank in under four minutes. So we walk onto the plane last - I prefer that because it is less waiting on a cramped plane. We walk past first class and I must say I hold a slight resentment for those that get to fly first class. On this occurance they seemed to be mostly business men, wearing fancy suits, reading their papers and making last minute business calls on their super duper sweet blackberries, blueberries and I-phones. And I just thought (as we trugged to the END of the plane) that it should be children and their parents who receive the comfy seats and extra leg room! There may be more relaxed parents and maybe even less cranky children.! These "poor" wealthy business types who jet from here to there and eat fancy business lunches... I have no pity. But this is another topic for another time - I just think society has devalued children and the job that parents, especially stay at home parents do!! It's a HUGE job, but the best of them all. That's it, I'm creating my own parent friendly airline....

Wow... tangent... sorry! Ok so last airplane story. As we are squished in the back of the plane beside the glorious potty I turn Jake's movie on and nurse Micah to sleep... perfect, maybe I can read my book.... and then Jake turns to me and says, "Mommy, I have to poo" oh, crap! (no pun intended) so I desperately rack my mommy mind... trying to come up any solution where Micah will keep sleeping. I produced nothing so the stewardess held Micah, while I took Jake. Micah screamed the entire time, but I have learned something of value since being a mom - DO NOT make eye contact with anyone when your child is acting out - every time it has saved me from gawking eyes or nasty looks. So there you have it, a small story from our flight adventure. Why do they always seem to involve poo? Maybe because they are better to laugh at later...

I was nervous to come home, they are the same feelings that stab at me each time we arrive home from a trip. It's lonely and exhausting because I still have to be a mommy - I don't get to sit and relax for even a few minutes until the last one is asleep and that can be discouraging and daunting! But my cousin Laurel, picked us up from the airport and we went back to her house and detoxed and stuffed our tummies! I did get to sit and relax - it was a precious gift. Then we journeyed to our house.... never in my life did such little things like a fifteen minute drive seem so HUGE until the accident happened... Bonnie had arrived a day earlier at her empty house after visiting with family and what she said greatly encouraged me. She told me that she thought about all the things she was thankful for and also prayed ALOT. Great advice, so I followed suit. Jake asked to have chicken nuggets for dinner - so we made a plan. We've been having picnics for dinners lately because it is sad for me to sit at such a big table with such little conversation - it seems so empty without Preston there. So we've been putting a blanket down in the living room, bringing our food out on a tray and eating in front of the tv - we talk and watch and it's great! (Just a little glimpse of how we're working on reinventing our normal)

If you could remember to pray for us still I would so so appreciate it:) I can't conclude anything specific other than praying that Micah sleeps better but God knows what we need and your "general" prayers are much appreciated and needed:)

4 comments:

Jenny said...

Tara, I remember and pray for you often. I have been so impacted (I first wanted to say "blessed," but it just doesn't seem like the right word) by your testimony and Bonnie's too. I live in AR, and Bonnie and I have lots of mutual friends, but we've never met. I think of you and Bonnie both so often. I always say a quick prayer and I'm reminded to do my best to enjoy the time I have with my loved ones and not to waste time being critical of them or feeling discontent with whatever is our current situation. I also have connections to the Crumby family, and I've been praying so hard for little Hannah Grace to be healed. It's a small world, but God is BIG. Thank you so much for sharing your heart here on your blog. It's a great witness.

Katie Spinks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie Spinks said...

I love you Tara - you remind me of a jem - sounds silly I know but its like you are so rare and precious and God just keeps polishing you off and you continue to shine even brighter because you allow him to "buff" you up. Praying for you and Jake and Micah daily!! Thanks for the update I love reading whats on your heart and mind... it always brings laughter, tears and a fresh perspective on life!!

Anonymous said...

Amazing as always