Wednesday, December 23, 2009


(written a few days before Christmas - our Christmas was good, I'll post that later)

"There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say, "It is Well"
Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed....
I will rise when he calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain...
There's a day that's drawing near when this darkness breaks to light
& the shadows disappear and MY FAITH SHALL BE MY EYES"
Chris Tomlin - I will rise

Um, hello!! I cannot wait for my faith to be my eyes! It's so hard to believe Preston has now confirmed what his faith told him all along.... I'm jealous, but one day, I too shall see. H O P E

Tonight I am a little broken, ok alot broken. I am overwhelmed by life... my goodness, it's Christmas, and I L O V E Christmas. But it was a tiring mommy day and I have alot of people on my mind tonight. I have been hearing alot of deep pain around, death, cancer, loneliness... and alot of people say, "God I just don't understand WHY has "this" or "that" happened?!! And I cannot hear someone say that without my heart breaking for them because I have asked that too.... and I'm still on that journey, I understand the why. As my friend Andrew says, "It would be nice if God were more democratic and let us have a vote!"

So I had all these thoughts racing around my mind about the "why," but what I kept stopping at was the truth that although I do not understand these "storms" I know without a doubt that God is riding these waves with me! He is here, he's never left and his presence only grows stronger as I draw nearer to him. The only thing that has ever brought lasting comfort to me is lifting my pain and my questions to God and trusting Him - nothing else we can do will bring comfort or peace like trusting in the one who has allowed that situation in our lives - leaving it to the only one who is in control of it all.

I have seen God in every direction I look. I trust God because I have SEEN him so faithful in my life. What I mean is that I see the effects of God; like the wind, you cannot see the wind, but you see the effects of it. Not once have I called on the Lord and not found Him, not once have I cried and not been comforted by him. Not once have I spent time with the Lord and not walked away a little more refreshed.

But I want you to know that trust for me hasn't meant lifting my situation before the Lord and walking away with a smile on my face. It usually means I've cried until my face was blotchy. I've written or declared an angry letter to God or maybe I've pounded my fists into a pillow until the feathers dusted the ground AND THEN after I've worked through whatever the moment was I read the Bible and dwell earnestly on the promises God has made - knowing the facts, not living in the raw and (many a time) angry emotion. There is ALOT we don't know, much we can't understand so in times like this going back to what we do know is crucial.
This is usually where I come to:

~"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him" (rom 8:28)
~"...We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. - romans 5:3 (hard promise but so true!)
~"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us" - Romans 8:18
~"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
~"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, theycomfort me." psalm 23
~"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." ps 34:18
~"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" ps 30:5

What I mean is that when I focus on what I know to be true and trust God, He uses my human frailty as the clay to form something in me that will strengthen me and keep me trusting in Him alone.
So be encouraged... If you remain faithful to God during these uncertain seasons of life, you won't get all your questions answered or be in any more control of how "life" turns out, but your faith will be refined and your relationship with God deepened. If you chose to learn from your experiences, you won't ask the question, 'what was the point of all the pain, all the tears, all the fears the doubts and questions.' I know this all too well.

"I will not let this experience be wasted on me." - beth moore


Rusty Beals said...

"What I mean is that when I focus on what I know to be true and trust God, He uses my human frailty as the clay to form something in me that will strengthen me and keep me trusting in Him alone."

I read this and immediately thought of how God has prepared me for everything that I have gone through. It helps so much to store these things in my heart. I cannot begin to imagin what you have gone through, but it strengthens my faith to read your blog. To God be the glory!

Katie Hart said...

I'm going to start my student teaching on Monday and I feel completely overwhelmed by this. My journey is only 12 weeks and it will be exhausting, scary, and probably emotionally challenging. I know that it pales in comparison to what other people, especially you, Tara, have gone through but the verses that you gave in this blog are perfect for helping me to walk into the classroom.

You are so precious for sharing your experiences and they way that God has moved in your life!!!