Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Who will I be at 90?

The storm of my last post has past, thank the Lord! That was  miserable, but I pray I am better for having walked... wait sat through it ha ha. I treasure the beauty God taught me along the way and am constantly amazed how he never ceases to remind me he never leaves  us, never. I am going to an amazing counselor who is teaching me and jake how to walk through his grief through play therapy, it's amazing and i'll blog it later - hopefully!

I am doing a Beth Moore study at church with a group of incredible ladies called "the Inheritance" - about all that we inherit when we give our life to Jesus and all we will inherit when we pass on from this life. So we had a bit of homework to do one week that was hilarious and entirely captivating. We had to sit back and envision ourselves at the ripe age of 90 what would ppl say about how we lived? What!? We even went as far as describing what we would look like and then because our group is led by amazing and hilarious woman, we had a 90th birthday celebration. Sadly I was sick that week, but I heard the highlight was when one girls "saggy" boobs fell out. love it! 
I can't even imagine being 90, seems like a million years away, but I know time goes so fast. Here are some of the things I wrote: 
I hope that I'll be a sweet and cute old lady, I think how you feel on the inside comes out on the outside so I hope that my funky personality matches my high heels and bright red lipstick, wait that sounds like a hooker, don't worry I won't go there! 
I hope that I can pinch my lose skin and laugh at my saggy hooters (cant imagine, but I can hope right!?) I want to cherish my wrinkles as a life well lived and full of laughter. I hope overall that I don't sit around drinking prune juice and complaining of all my deficiencies, and that I'm just downright joyful. I want to be beautiful inside and as best as i can on the outside despite how wrinkly or crippled I am. 
I hope I am a hardworker and that laziness isn't even part of my vocabulary. 
I hope that I'm loving to ALL (I suck at loving those that are hard to love, let's be honest) loving all because Jesus first loved me and all my crap. (I'm such an elegant writer)
I hope that I am an example to my boys, and that I'll always be cooler to them than anyone else - ha ha I'm totally kidding... just a little:) I pray they call me blessed and that they see a woman striving to serve the Lord with all my heart. 
I hope that I am humble, and that pride will never have a foothold in my life.  Ppl who are full of pride make me want to vomit. I have seen many ppl fall because of their pride, Lord, please don't let me be one of them! 
Overall, I hope that those who know me would say that i was a joy to be around (don't we all want to be liked? ha!) and that the difference that they see in me is Jesus Christ because he's the one who changes lives not super little ol me. I hope no one ever sees me as "an island" but that I am transparent, sharing my lifes experiences to inspire and build others up, not just to hear myself speak! I hope ppl will say that Tara lived her life without selfish motives and that she put others before herself and served Christ with all her heart, that he was her foundation and nothing else. And that she was a joy to all that met her and above all else was faithful to her God, honoring and magnifying him through every painful and beautiful moment in her life.  
Ultimately I want to live a life worthy of standing in front of my creator... I think every day what it must have been like for Preston to do that... it makes my mind go crazy just imagining it! 

So a silly, but completely life changing assignment. It's amazing to live your life in light of the end, and not depressing at all. Our bodies will fail us and hopefully we will be able to laugh at them, wrinkly skin, and all that sags (if we live so long), but to think what others will say of how we lived and WHO we lived for is a really impacting aspect I believe of how you live everyday now! 

"Even after all we've endured, when we see our inheritance, our exlamation will be ALL THIS!?" - B. Moore


Jenny said...

Thank you, Tara! That was so inspiring. I was just thinking about you this morning, and wondering how you were doing. I was so glad to see a new post from you. :)

Shawna said...

Beautiful aspirations Tara! I agree with you that it is life changing to sit and think about how we want to be remembered. I love reading all your posts and how real you are whenever you write. When I read them it is like I can hear you reading them to me. I pray that you have a blessed week :)