As i type my boy Jake is sleeping on the couch, and he just fell asleep - 10:30, wow. I am currently sitting on a bum numbing stool at my out of date breakfast bar and I just about peed my pants at the POW of fireworks, heart still racing... dang I hate those things, am I old?
Anyway sweet Jacob, he hates sleep, he is scared of his curtains and then he is afraid of shadows and monsters and after the monster spray doesn't work and he's peed and gotten water he just wants to sleep in mommies bed. Tonight I gave in ( I wont' tell you how many times I actually do.. maybe that is my problem) I gave him the land line phone while I dialed him in on my cell phone and sang to him over speakerphone so I could do the dishes and watch my movie... and at last he fell asleep. Then 25 minutes later I heard the cry from the top of the stairs, "MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMY" My blood froze, crap. Well it turned out to be my fault because after he fell asleep I turned my phone off but not his... BEEP BEEP BEEP.... oops. So that is how he ended up on the couch, I couldn't handle his tears so I hulled him down the stairs and plopped him right onto the couch where he fell asleep in less than three minutes. So here we are now.
I am watching Julie and Julia, so far a completely enchanting movie. Makes me want to cook more, although I'm not sure what the boys would think about cow foot or screaming lobsters, then again I don't think I'm a fan of cows foot:)
I love that Julia is so fun and carefree, and yet is still elegant. I hate that it's so easy to grow up and get got up in adulthood or whatever adulthood is supposed to be... I think we're still guessing what that is even into our fourties, am I right? It's like this ideal that we have to be so proper, and not have a hint of child left in us, we're parents and career types after all! We should be the mature ones and that's true to a point, but maybe it can go so far as to say there is no fun or play in you left because you're too consumed with who you should be. If you know me you know I have indeed not entirely adopted every adult way and i am ok with that. I have fun, although that being mature junk does get to me sometimes and I think, dang girl you need to be more poised! But if we're to live everyday likes it our last I'd rather laugh and laugh with good friends and play a game of spoons like we're at an elementary birthday party and drink chocolate milk instead of wine and not care!
So none of that was even about grief. Relief. I mean I am still grieving, it's just different, not all consuming. To be honest lately I have been so annoyed by grief. It lingers like bacon (seriously, how do you get rid of that bacon smell?) I guess this is all to say I don't want every blog to be about grief... i don't always have something to write about in that aspect, and as time passes it gets less and less. Hopefully i'll fill this blog space with other moments in our life and other ways we have seen the hand of God touch our life... a little grief share, a little "other" only time will tell what that other is. I do have some chairs I am re-doing... ok I know, some of you want to gag yourself with a spoon, but trust me it isn't the topic, it's the heart behind the words and the flow of the letters that are most powerful... hoping you stay with me through many more random letters ;)