Saturday, July 17, 2010

Summer

I love summer, I never realized how weather can so effect the mood, but it is an enormous factor, although we have a choice about how to respond to our initial feeling of grumpiness it's not so fun when you wake up to rain! I'm thankful for sun, beaches, boating and getting tanned! 


Speaking of getting tanned, I got a spray tan, my friend has her own spray tanning thing (ya that sounds official right?) so I asked her to spray me.... let me tell you it was an experience. I laughed through most of it and so did she, partly awkward at having someone spray you while you're clothes are barely there, we bonded to say the least. I am far more tanned, however.... I quickly got two streaks running down my leg so I looked like I was wearing nylons and then I touched them to blend it - without gloves, such a rookie! Now I'm left with an orange hand, orange heels and one orange thumb (on the other hand) but the rest of me looks really good! If it was free every time I would be this tanned all year long. 


This past month we drove to Canada with some great friends, the boys did amazing! It's only five hours, but five H O U R S can be a L O O O O O N G time with two children. Driving past the scene of the accident was not even close to ok. It was actually terrible emotionally. I think one reason is because i have been doing so well and then it's like a slap in the face and whips that memory against me sending my emotions every which way.. you just have no idea how you'll respond to "triggers" and obviously this one is the biggest. My amazing amazing friend Lori was with me and she "held my hand" through and let me talk and talk and talk and talk until i felt ok... yes talking really helps me ha ha. We spent some time in North Vancouver and Jake discovered a ball pit... did you know they still made those things, I thought they were all banned for fear of germs!?!? I even got excited when i saw it and was really disappointed when they had a height restriction ha ha


And on a far more intimate and serious level ( I'm running low on creative sentence transitions;) I have been entirely amazed and blown away by the grace of God. I have been watching as two of my close friends have started new and amazing relationships - and so clearly from God. Both ppl have gone through very difficult times in their life and I am watching as God is turning mourning to dancing, and replacing sorrow with happiness! I remember when the accident first happened and ppl would say, "time, tara, it takes time and you'll heal and feel better" I thought, "ya sure, I can't imagine ever feeling "happy" again, and even if you want to there is part of you that doesn't want to because the happier you get and the less time you spend grieving the farther you feel like you move from that person you lost - even though they would want you to move on you have to come to a place where you accept that it's ok to move on. 
Bottom line, it was hard to ever imagine God turning mourning into dancing, but he ALWAYS will. It doesn't mean life won't be hard again, but isn't there so much peace and hope knowing there will always be future grace? I'm so thankful that even when life seems bleak and dark and deep and appears that those painful lenses that you are viewing life through will never go away, they will and there will be happy moments again and even moments - like love when we'll say GOD, you are too good to me and your heart will overflow and overflow with adoration and appreciation for the grace of God. He gives and he takes away, but he is GOOD and faithful through every second of it. 



3 comments:

Jenny said...

Hi Tara, I'm glad to see a new post from you! That's funny about the spray tan. I'm sorry your drive to Canada was difficult. I think about you often, and always pray for you when I do. Thank you for sharing your journey!

Photo Mel said...

Tara:

I have just now happened upon your page. I am sorry for your loss. God truly is good. Be blessed.
(we have a son and daughter-in-law in Portland, I don't know why that matters to you, but I told you anyway) :o)

Marissa said...

Triggers are the worst - especially when you're on a
'high' cuz you almost come crashing down :(
I appreciate your blog, Tara! Love you!