Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I'm alive!

I have not left the blogging world for good, but I sure did abandon it for awhile! I think I did it on purpose... I was pretty down about single parenting! And usually I am full of ten different ways to summarize how I am feeling just ask my friends, but when I thought about blogging about life not a thing came to mind!

Life has been super great lately, it was mostly really difficult right after the holidays. Christmas was great, so great, I was totally excited for it! Every time there is a holiday I like to look back on the same holiday from the last year and compare how I am doing today. It's so encouraging to literally be able to see how God has grown and strengthened me. Last year I kind of just thought Christmas to be blaaaa, i know, that sounded extremely intelligent. But I think that's really what I wrote last year! It was true though, I wasn't really excited, but not overly sad, I just was.
This year I was SO much more alive! I loved that freedom. Grief is heavy, it's really like carrying a weight that is far too heavy for anyone to carry on their own. Even when you're happy there is still an air of sadness and pain and I'm so thankful to actually see, and not just hear from others that the heaviness does go away! Sure it comes back in waves, but the growth you've embraced helps carry you through the short time of sorrow.

The week after Christmas was hard, I am really really missing my portland friends, it's a loss to me... i mean I know they are still in my life, but not being able to see them when I like has been harder than I expected! I was pretty emotional about that and then knowing most of my friends were with their families enjoying the snow just hit a sore spot.

My biggest issue is single parenting, have I said this before? maybe like 50 times? It's nothing to do with the boys, they are my life, they are my sunshine and my joys! The difficulty is the go go go and then they go to bed and I have 15 projects I want to work on but zero energy to sail through them on. I know many parents feel the same! Parenting is hard in and of itself with two parents! Maybe I just really really miss having that quality time at the end of the day with someone. I am relationship oriented so that is a huge necessity in my life.
I have to say though my family rocks!!! My parents and sister help me out a ton! They even let me sleep in once a week, which I so need because I have this terrible little habit of going to bed far too late! oops! Maybe that's why single parenting is hard? ha!
Anyway, I was reading a fellow bloggers blog and she quoted something from my favorite devotional, "My utmost for his Highest" (even the name rocks) by Oswald Chambers, she quoted this:

""We do not need the Grace of God to withstand crises - human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently. But it does require the supernatureal grace of God to live 24 hrs of every day, as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God - but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people - and this is not learned in 5 minutes."

Heck no it's not learned in 5 minutes! And this is SO what I have been learning about single parenting, God's grace in the everyday. I have experienced his grace in tragedy, but now I've been discovering it in a whole new way. When there is only one parent you carry alot of weight that you probably don't need to. You are trying to be the mom and dad and meeting kids needs from every angle and there is no one to talk through it with. But I know I can depend on God, he probably laughs at all the random things I ask him in one day, but I'm serious when I say he does guide me and I often feel that little nudge pointing me in the right direction. 

We have loved having so much snow this winter! We made an igloo:) ok so it didnt' have a roof, but I made up for it by building a slide going into it and a tunnel, jake played in it for two hours with me so I say the sweat and hard work paid off! Micah is busier than ever, he's almost two (in april) but still does not have very many words down, he is loving say peek a boo! It's so cute, it sounds more like pee A BOO! They got bunk beds and trying to get them to sleep has become quite the challenge! But tonight they went to bed in under 5 minutes... i guess that  means I should too! but we know I won't!

I'll work on blogging more, and happy blogs too, I have so many i just don't write them all! But there is the long awaited holiday blog :) Hope your holidays were awesome! 


Shawna said...

glad to have you back in the blogging world Tara! I love the quote you pulled out, I don't think I have actually thought about it like that before. I love being able to spend time with you in person now, it is so great seeing you and I love how your blog is so who you are, every time I read it I can just hear you speaking it.

rebecca said...

I to am a single mom and its very hard path. Their are many of us out there but some of us do not share custody or have lost their mate and are doing it all alone. Often its overwhelming especially because you dont have your sounding board or the other parent there. If you ever just want to talk or complain to someone who is walking in similiar shoes please feel free to email me

washington place @

I know my family lives and helps me so much but it is always nice to talk to someone else who is struggling with the same stuff you are.

I am a Christian and was raised in a Christian home and am raising my children in a Christian home but worry that I am not strong enough to be the head of a Christian home

Rebekah said...

Hi Tara. You don't know me, and Ive been reading your blog for a bit and i came across this blog recently: and i just felt in my heart that maybe you may be able to connect with her in some way through your own difficult journey. Just maybe...