Wednesday, April 20, 2011

What is up with us lately? I have been so busy that I almost forgot I had a blog! And to say you're busy in a small town is a big deal ha ha.
I'm working on my book. S...L....O...W...L....Y
It is a really hard process, part of me doesn't want to even write my story, but the other (more than 50%) half says DO IT! How can I not share what God has done in my life? I feel it's like keeping a secret that shouldn't be kept. It's bursting out of me most days so putting it all down on paper, ahem the computer (where yes I save it to multiple locations online and offline) just makes sense. I feel so inadequate, I'm fairly certain I'm not a natural writer, but I pray that if this is a God thing, he'll guide my hand. I hope that by sharing my story God can use what he has done in my life to penetrate the lives of many others (even if it's just my sweet friends and family who buy the book). I'm really confident aren't I? haha

I go through spurts of writing, but then I often hit a writers block, and those times are usually triggered by an emotional moment. Writing about an intimate time with Preston or reading an old journal or writing about the "old Tara." The difficulty comes from dealing with the reality that the pain of loss never goes away. I have had a healthy grieving, but it hasn't been without deep pain. I think that joy, peace and pain may always walk beside grief. And that's ok because if grief walked alone, well that would just be awful.

I am also a mom so time to write is hard to find! I am amazed at these mothers who write books! I hope that is all they do or I'm entirely jealous. Being a mom is wonderful. Being a stay at home mom is an enormous blessing! Don't get me wrong, I can live with the waking at 6am, the bedtime battles, the "brotherly love" and the sand that somehow made it to the third floor of our house from outside, but I still have a few things that make me Tara. 
I am an artist. 
And a crafter. 
And they are my outlet! I find peace when I'm painting or crafting, I think alot while I work, but I'm a girl so when do I not think? I literally have counted two times in the last few years where I have actually been caught thinking about nothing. (how you men do it I dont' know) So I have been working on a few projects, that shall remain secret until I perfect them and actually get my butt in gear enough to finish them all and take some pics! I'm going to be selling a few of my things at the Farmers Market! I'm soo exciting! I'll be in Vernon, starting in June and I'll be the cutest booth. You won't miss me I"m certain. 
Pray for me though, because coming up with enough inventory is alot of work for one mama! 

The boys are doing well! Jacob has decided he shall be called Jake from now on, because he doesn't like the "ob" part to his name. He sais, "that's right mom, listen, JacOB, hear that mom? i don't like that part"  I kindly smiled and said, "well ok then, that sounds good to me" and then I laughed hysterically inside. He is playing soccer and goes back and forth between LOVING it and telling me "it's just too hard!" My cousin is his coach and his team is full of friends and family (did I say i lived in a small town?) He doesn't kick the ball unless it comes to him so we'll see how the season goes! 
Micah is well... he has red hair, he is just like me and... enough said? He is fiesty! He is so determined, he never gives up. But that strong will also means if he doesn't want to sit in the grocery cart he will let me know in his loudest voice, and if that doesn't work he'll use his sign language to wave my attention to his needs. We always have adventures at the store. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend at the bakery and looked down to see Micah laying under the counter with his little head sticking out, his hands perched on his chin as if to say, "check this out mommy!" Five minutes later as I talked to another friend (small town... ya...ya ok I'll quit it) he kept his finger up his nose the entire time with a small smirk that said "i'm doing this b/c no on is paying attention to me, oh wait now you are!"  He only has about 20 single words, which is pretty low for his age so we're working on putting two words together. He understands everything but I guess he has found ways to communicate without alot of speech. Maybe his mommy is too good at knowing what he wants ha ha. 

So life is busy, and our life is really sweet. I fall more in love with my boys each day. I'm working on being gracious in my parenting which mostly translates to being gracious in my speech and my tone of voice:) 
We're looking forward to Easter! Jake summarizes it best, "Mom, you know, I keep forgetting, Easter is about JESUS!!" Yep. Isn't it easy to focus on putting the easter baskets together and coming up with creative place settings for the table? (ok maybe that's just me) but it really is about Jesus and I have already been spending some time focusing on that even if it is as small as just listening to "In Christ Alone" :) (love that song!)
Alright well I'm outta here, I have projects to work on! Hope you're all doing well!! Happy Easter! And I do encourage you to spend time thinking about Jesus and what he did for YOU no matter who you are. And come to church with me Sunday, (seriously I hate sitting alone):


Kate said...

were you there last week?? we looked for ya but figured we must just be missing each other weeks/services.

Love the blog and lets make life more busy in the next week or two and connect!

Shawna said...

Looking forwaed to seeing your booth at the farmer's market, so fun!

Shelly said...

Ahh! So glad to hear you are pursuing your creative projects and still writing.

I miss you and think of you often friend! And I miss your boys.

Is it okay if Maggie Jane still calls him "Jake-ee" Ha!

You must find time to leave the boys with me while you are visiting - so we can eat peas on toothpicks and other important stuff. (and of course hang out with you- but if you want some time away)