I have the stomach flu today:( so what a perfect time to write! My type B personality keeps putting blogging off, but my hearts desire is to write 2-3 times a month (maybe if i say it here i will... that's how it works right?;-) There has to be some type A in me!
My last post was from October! What!? Let's skip now to December. December is amazing for so many reasons but this past December had it's own set of miracles:-)
I really struggled skipping a month here and there and not trying for a baby. Even though it's an emotional beating each time i'm not pregnant, i kept thinking well what if THIS is THE MONTH!? I can't say I have ever been without hope! But come December and christmas and the business of it all, I thought you know what Kev, let's take December off. We won't not try but we won't try and assume it will work like i do every. other. month. He was totally ok with this as he was exhausted as well.
After all, i had presents to buy, advent to plan and a christmas party that my party throwing self could not resist! Let's just focus on Christmas and all the wonder it has to offer - my Savior come to earth! We decided that we will do a fertility procedure called IUI in january and that helped take the pressure off for December as well.
A week into December I was thinking about it. Babies, pregnancy it's everywhere. I was at Bible study and we were doing Beth Moores, 1&2 Thessalonians. She had us write on one hand, 'For not all have faith' and on the other hand we had to write, 'But the Lord is faithful.'
If that wasn't good enough for my soul, at the end of study my sweet friend Laurie who has knows this journey had all the girls come over to me and then she said, "girls, show Tara this hand (BUT THE LORD IS FAITHFUL!) I'm crying just writing this. And they all did, and my eyes filled with tears, such a beautiful personal reminder that He IS faithful regardless of my circumstances. And then they laid these hands "full of faith" on my empty womb and they prayed their hearts out. For a miracle baby, for peace if there is no baby - to be content. I wept. This memory will never leave me.
I went on with my Christmas planning and found I was able to think a little less about baby stuff.
It was the week before Christmas and for IUI in January i had to start taking Clomid (the drug that gives your ovulation a boost) right around Christmas. I knew no pharmacies would be open so I decided to go pick up the clomid a few days before. But you have to take a pregnancy test to rule that out. Easy peasy, i'm never pregnant. So i took a test, late in the day because it would be negative anyway. Day 27.... and there was a faint line. A FAINT +VE LINE!!!!! I quickly text my sister a pic (love technology) who was instantly hopeful. However when i had my miscarriage I also had a faint line so my hopes weren't high that this was a keeper. I took a test the next day, same thing, faint line. I waited until day 30 to test again and BAM, there is was, a big bold positive line!!! I tested at 4am bc that's how my bladder rolls and jumped back into bed and announced to Kevin, "Babe, I think I really really AM pregnant!!!" we were both in disbelief and didn't sleep a wink after. I am tearing up remembering that precious moment.
A week after my table girls prayed we conceived. God is faithful no matter if we were pregnant or not but this was a great GIFT! So here i am 25 weeks and I can see this little babe bouncing around as I type. It has been a journey of faith without a doubt. A journey of continuous thanksgiving and prayers of surrendering my fear of miscarriage. But this babe is healthy and Lord willing we will meet it at the end of August!!! Hot summer here I come!!! The boys and Kevin are crazy excited! They have been praying about this for two years and they can't get enough of feeling their little baby kick. They actually think it's quite hilarious that there is a little person in there. And kevin, it's such a joy to watch him walk through this, seeing it through his eyes is so fun!
So there is my wonderful update, thank you to Cora for encouraging me to write this post and yes i was sick with
morning ALL DAY sickness for 14 weeks but it truly wasn't as bad as when i was pregnant with the boys! There has been soo many lessons that I could have blogged about, but it's not too late. I really am praying I can find the motivation to write more.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!!! i received so many emails of encouragement from you all!