Thursday, January 22, 2009

Baby Belly



Here is me and my growing belly! I am 28 weeks or just starting my third trimester! yay! That is always an exciting thing:) The final countdown.  Pregnancy is going really well, other than being entirely uncomfortable and getting heartburn, oh and the 'I'm getting fat thing', but it's not so bad now, it's just the knowing what your belly looks like post baby! 

In other random news, Jake got a slight upgrade in bed today, I put his small rail on the side of his crib and he LOVES it.....in the great, now I can escape kind of way! He thoroughly enjoyed getting in and out when I was with him, but once it was lights out he stayed in bed, yes! I think he takes after his mama and is afraid of the dark!  Is it bad if i still sleep with a nightlight? 

I have really been feeling better emotionally the past couple of days, which is a nice break from the ordinary! I've been discovering that the super down times are getting a little further apart, but I still carry an extreme sadness and emptiness within me.  There are certain triggers that break my heart no matter what, like love songs, or anything valentines day or daddy's with their little kids, or emergency vehicles and of course places that we shared memories, maybe it's the firsts that are the most difficult. Even as I sit here and write this blog I can see the I-5 highway and as all the cars pass by I can't help but hate the highway,  I have ever since the accident, because it's just a constant reminder of "that night." Betcha never thought you'd hear that one, but it's so true!

If you think about us you can still pray!! I appreciate your prayers a TON! Please pray that I continue to heal in a healthy way...there is a very fine line between healthy grieving and unhealthy - it would be super easy to slip into a deep depression, concentrating on what I don't have rather than on what I do, but God is faithful and is really helping me keep my head above those waters. And also pray for Jake and his healing, I know it doesn't sound like a two year old can grieve, but he is, he has slowed down asking to see daddy, which is good for him, sad in a way to see, but it's a sign he is moving on and not holding onto false hope, accepting that daddy is not coming back.  When he sees pictures of daddy or things that he relates to daddy, like guitars, basketball or stars/moon he'll always say, "God-Dada" and I say, that's right, daddy is with God in Heaven and he smiles and says, "Ya!" What a sweetie! He is making this so much more bearable!

20 comments:

John said...

lifting you up in prayer, Tara.

If there's anything you need, like a play buddy for Jake (Dustin, I mean ... but I'd be willing to play with him too!), just let me know.

Be strong in the LORD and the power of His might!
John

Joel & Dominique Rempel said...

Tara you are such a BEAUTY. I love you

lindsay and derek! said...

Tara! You look so good!

Anonymous said...

LOVE the belly pictures! you are looking great! Glad to hear the last couple days have been better, we continue to pray for healing for you and your family and for God to continue to carry you thru this journey.
Love and hugs, renee

Mandi Bartel said...

so happy for the belly pictures! You look happy and gorgeous :)

I got your note on my blog. Reading Bonnie's/your blog reminds me of the verse, "...we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have recieved from God" Who knows what the big picture is, but perhaps God can use you to walk along side her and share in her sorrows, her firsts, her new reality...I'm sure He's got it all figured out!

I will continue to pray for you and Jake. SOrry I haven't been able to talk on Skype. I've been so busy and I don't want to feel rushed talking to you...hopefully the Lord will free up some of my time when we are both online :)

LOVE YOU! mandi

ashleyalvina said...

tara you are so cute! love the pictures!!

will continue to pray,
love
ashley

Andrea said...

such a cute belly! and i love your new bed and where you put it... strong work friend!

Miranda said...

Tara, you look beautiful!! We are praying for you and both of your little ones. God bless!

Miranda & Darrell

Anonymous said...

love the bed in the pic.. and ya for night lights.. the dark just plays tricks on your eyes..
keeping you in my prayers
danelle

Barclee said...

you look beautiful! i am praying for you!

Kristin said...

Buddy, you are a hot mama, and I am so proud of you! It was great to hang out today, if only for a bit. Susannah says thank you for letting her borrow the toys. : )

Laurel said...

Tara - i love the picture of you sitting on the floor. You are BEAUTIFUL! Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. You are an encouragement, just by your authentic and transparent walk with the Lord. I'm happy to be living where you live!

Anonymous said...

Just thinking about you and wanted you to know that we love you and are praying for you.
Jessica N

Miss Jodi said...

Tara,
You look so gorgeous in your prego pics. Still praying for you.

Anonymous said...

glad jake is doing good in his upgraded bed :) glad to hear u are having bad moments farther apart now :) i emailed u today, hope u have time to email back soon! thinking about u always!!

STEF

Jordan and Rejoice K. said...

Just wanted to let you know we will be praying for you ... from Vancouver, BC! Was reading Eric Snow (Cleveland Cav's) blog, when I came across your story and it touched me in an unbelievable way! I smile as I see the love you have for your son and your baby on the way ... as my wife and I have two sons, I will give them an extra hug today. You'll be busy with two, keeps you in shape, lol, trust me, but so rewarding! I wanted to share this song with you, I heard Chris Tomlin sing it at "Passion" last October here in Vancouver, blew me away! Hope it blesses you also ... God is holding us in the cup of his hand. God's angels are all around you Tara!

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz64E2y0_UI

Jordan and Rejoice K. said...

Just wanted to let you know we will be praying for you ... from Vancouver, BC! Was reading Eric Snow (Cleveland Cav's) blog, when I came across your story and it touched me in an unbelievable way! I smile as I see the love you have for your son and your baby on the way ... as my wife and I have two sons, I will give them an extra hug today. You'll be busy with two, keeps you in shape, lol, trust me, but so rewarding! I wanted to share this song with you, I heard Chris Tomlin sing it at "Passion" last October here in Vancouver, blew me away! Hope it blesses you also ... God is holding us in the cup of his hand. God's angels are all around you Tara!

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz64E2y0_UI

Jordan and Rejoice K. said...

oops, I clicked the button too many times. **Smile**

Jen (a.k.a. motor mouth) said...

YOu have got to be the cutest pregnant person ever! I always looked HUGE!!!!!
It was so nice to talk to you in Gymboree the other day. For once, I didn't feel like I said the wrong things :) I think it was God's timing, in a place I felt comfortable LOL.
I can imagine it still sucks, and will for a while, but you know what? you are a witness to many of Gods grace, mercy and love.
I'm here if you need anything!
Jen

Cliff said...

The pics are beautiful, you look great! I like the baby countdown icon at the top.

sending many prayers your way

Cliff